Thursday, December 24, 2009
THE BIG 2-3!
2 Words: Worth. It.
1 Word: Epic.
I would like to just capitalize on my birthday night (for everything else was quite good, but a lot more low key).
First, I wake up to my 2 brothers singing me "Happy Birthday" in their deep, deep Baritone voices (can you blame them? It was 6/7AM). And for those who know me...you may ask...where was the 3rd brother and the father? Well...Padre was probably sleeping...hard. And my eldest brosky was out of the country having a great time in the sun with his wife. I don't blame them....no need to call from the British Virgin Islands (too much work, haha).
Then, my friends and I decide to play the lotto at the local bodega. Although our bodega seller was a little sheisty with whether we wanted to pay for a $1 game or a $2 game, it was still invigorating since I had never played the Lotto before!
We head back to the house and all of a sudden...word of an EPIC snowstorm kills my birthday buzz! Really, weather? Really? (haha...) Although... I was not laughing at that point. After a little pity party, we got out the house and headed to 42nd street to meet another best friend of mine to see "Invictus" (good movie...kind of anticlimactic though...but good, nonetheless).
We head back home..and now...the storms are raging...a friend who wanted to go partying with us (and on whom we depended for a car to get to the club) was a little unsure about going out to party.
LET'S BACKTRACK FOR A SECOND: the reason why I threw a pity party earlier was because my only wish for my bday was to go out partying with the ones I love with a GOOD DJ. (This year has been plagued with too many bad DJs...which kills even the slightest buzz...ugh.)
Back to our featured presentation: So...as we sit uneasily on the couch waiting for our friend to confirm if he was going to brave the elements and come pick us up, my friends said the magical words: WE WILL GO WHETHER HE GOES OR NOT. WE WANT TO PARTY SO THAT IS WHAT WE WILL DO. (you see..all day I had wanted someone to tell me this...but I didn't want to be the Princess and force my friends to do something they may not have wanted to do...)
FROM THAT STATEMENT ON...we prepared for the festivities (see Facebook pictures). And guess what? Our friend with car...he decided to come out too!
ALL THIS TO SAY...from our best friends sexy pre-club photoshoot, to slipping and sliding on the roads of Harlem to 42nd street-Times Square, to bottle service, to the world's greatest DJ (he played the greatest reggae and soca mix), to being swooned by the head of security at BBKings (ending in a confirmed date), to walking through an even worse storm to get back to the car, to slipping and sliding on the roads of 42nd street back to Harlem...we could only mutter 2 phrases with snowflakes in our mouths and on our eyelashes:
WORTH IT!
EPIC!
and that's what it was.
A toast to the best friends in the world who know how to be selfless on a day that means the world to me. ::clink, clank::
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I Gotta Feelin'...
Blog readers, you have no idea what kind of a day I've had. And something tells me that this blog won't do this day justice either.
If I had one word to describe this day, it would be: God-ordained.
Okay..that is a hyphenated word (should it even be hyphenated?) whatever. you get the point.
Halloween.
I wake up and I think to myself "I have absolutely nothing planned for today...except for witnessing for my church..."
back track.
Yesterday, it dawned on me that my church usually witnesses every Saturday morning. It also dawned on me to find out for sure if they would be witnessing today. But then it also dawned on me that I didn't want to have to get up early and witness in the cold. But then it also dawned on me that I just came back from a Singles Retreat that emphasized that singles need to stop worrying about finding a spouse and worry about the affairs of the Lord first. (I Cor 7:32). And then it finally dawned on me to actually call the Pastor's daughter and find out if witnessing would take place in the morning.
brrrng. brrrrng.
PK: Hey K? How are you?
Me: Hey PK! I'm well! And you?
PK: I'm well!
Me: PK, I was just calling to see if we are still going witnessing tomorrow
PK: Good question. I think so. I will call you in the morning to confirm.
Me: Great, thanks!
Khadijah goes to sleep. Khadijah wakes up...
Back to where I started the story:
Halloween.
I wake up and I think to myself "I have absolutely nothing planned for today...except for witnessing for my church..."
Some friends ask me if I want to hang with them for the morning.
I decline...waiting for PK's call.
PK calls and says that there will be no witnessing this morning.
Thanks, PK.
We hang up.
I think to myself..."I really have nothing to do today! wow"
I call my best friends in NY and ask them about their Halloween plans so that I can live vicariously through them. (pathetic.)
I complain that I don't really have a core group of going out buddies here in the Chi. We hang up.
I talk to God and tell Him how funny it is that I have been finding myself alone a lot lately.
I also tell Him that I am fine with the lesson of learning how to be alone with Him and how to be satisfied with only Him.
I accept it. (I mean, what else could I do?)
PK calls after I make breakfast.
Hey K, wanna do a little shopping with me?
Sure! all the while thinking...I don't really need anything but shopping is always fun!
PK picks me up and...
I HAVE ONE OF THE BEST AND REVELATORY DAYS OF MY LIFE.
REVELATION: Khadijah, have you ever wondered why singing and everything revolving around your singing has been successful? Because you have no problem trusting God in that area. Hey...Khadijah, have you ever wondered why relationships and everything revolving around your relationships doesn't turn out for your good? ever? Perhaps, it's because you haven't figured out how to let go and let GOD in that arena. Now...Khadijah, you need to figure out what the problem is in that area of your life. If music and love are your two main focuses right now...why is it so easy for you to give God music and not your heart?
For some of you who know me, this may seem quite obvious to you. But for me, it knocked me down on my butt....nevermind that I was already on my butt because PK and I were at Olive Garden eating some awesome pasta...but I was blown away by that revelation.
And to think...my boring day turned out to be an 11AM-7PM long day of revelations and laughter...and guess what?
It all started with me being obedient to I Cor 7:32 and planting in PK's mind that I was available to go witnessing.
Can't NOBODY tell me that being obedient to the Holy Spirit won't get you closer to where you need to be in life. Another lesson PK taught me today...God is going to make you learn your lesson...now...do you want it to be through your obedience or your disobedience? Indeed...we all know which we'd prefer.
Today was phenomenally Awesome.
...And I've got some homework to do.
Happy Halloween...and even more, Happy Revelations!
"Always be ready to have the time of your life"
-Anonymous
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Concert Time :0)
So...I, Khadijah Bermiss, had a bit of a toolish moment a few days ago.
Louisa and I were standing in the loft and we heard a friend of ours listening to his concert parts upstairs because he was practicing for our upcoming Gospel Choir concert. I then looked into my best friend eyes with tearful eyes of mine own (not.) and said "awwww...Louisa...it's concert time...::sigh::".
Believe it or not, that was a 99.9% accurate portrayal of what happened. (the .1% goes to the "tearful eyes of mine own").
Back to the reason for this blog. I realized that concert time is almost like Christmas time for me. After many nights in the studio and in rehearsal and semi-rewriting portions of songs, God is going to give us a gift which will be a wonderful concert. Unto us a child is boooorn! (Handel's Messiah reference)
This concert is going to be awesome and all the alums are coming back and we are emailing about concert attire and we are asking the Hopkins Center why they haven't posted our posters yet (another story..ugh), and all of that jazzzz. It's the most wonderful tiiime of the yearrrr.
It just makes me so giddy. There's nothing like our gospel choir concerts. It is an emotional and spiritual high that takes about a day to come down from. So...I picture this time of the fall season as the equivalent of my mom going to buy the Christmas tree, my brothers making their plans to come home, Charlie Brown's Christmas episode as well as the cartoon version of the Grinch on TV, Macy's Christmas commercials and good ole Christmas cheer in the air...
this is going to be an awesome concert. I can't say that enough.
so......
SHAMELESS PLUG!!!! If you're in or around the Dartmouth College area on November 8th, please come and see the Gospel Choir concert in Spaulding Auditorium. Showtimes: 2PM & 5PM. I guarantee you will walk out a different and more positive person. AMEN!
:-)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Khadijah:1, Devil:0
(...back to our scheduled programming...)
Have you ever had the sneaky suspicion that the devil is grabbing at almost anything in your life just to take you out of a good place that God has blessed you to be in?
Well, if not, you haven't lived long enough :)...I mean...I'm only 22, but I've seen some things that don't make me doubt the presence of evil forces.
Anyway, I find myself feeling super sensitive to people's comments about me whether it is about my past, my looks, my future, my cooking, or any of my other capabilities. Now, for the people who know me, you guys know that I am sensitive by nature anyway. So just picture normal Khadijah sensitivity just a tad bit heightened.
I'm writing this blog because I am thankful to be in a place where I can see what is taking place and why. God has brought me through some major things this year and I am glad to say that I am the happiest I've been in about 1.5 years. I have successfully disentangled my dreams from the snare of the corporate sector and now I have time to focus on me and my music. WHO could ask for more? Not to mention that in about 2 weeks, I will be participating in a wonderful gospel choir milestone concert at Dartmouth College which should cap off a great Fall term...then we head into the holiday season (...yes, the Holiday season for me starts after the Dartmouth Fall Concert, haha).
I digress.
The devil is scared. I'm in a good place and he wants me to question who I intrinsically am...the little things that make me, me: my quirks, my preferences, my dislikes, my talents, my personality etc. He wants me to compare myself and place higher value on those I compare myself to. Not going to happen. Not on my watch. I am moving to a higher level of Confidence, Discernment and Wisdom. So much so that I can catch him while he is in the midst of his antics and call him out over my blog loudspeaker.
DEVIL, I am not scared of you.
there! haha...that felt good to write. :)
I feel I wrote this blog more for myself than for any of my readers. This is a cathartic blog, indeed.
Some of you may be lost on this subject, but I know others know EXACTLY what I am talking about.
Stand up against the wiles of the devil.
He only messes with you because he is scared of your potential.
Take it as a compliment, write a blog about it, and move on with purpose.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Yes and AMEN.
But a moment of clarity hit me while I was on the toilet. (...is this not a place where clarity usually hits us anyway? haha)...I realized that no matter how bad the decisions I have made were, God STILL has a marvelous end result for me! Isn't it just amazing to know that what God has for you is for you no matter what? I sometimes feel like God had great destinies for those who were a hot mess anyway, haha. Ever get that email about all of those people in Bible who had issues but whom God used to do a mighty work? Like...let's see if I can remember off the top of my head...Noah was a drunk...Moses was a murderer, David was an adulterer and a murderer, and the Disciples were sometimes too slow to grasp concept and Jesus would get annoyed with them? haha..always makes for a good laugh. Love me some Bible historical figures. They were regular people with their own vices but God loved them...immensely and they are used as people to pattern our lives by.
All this to say. I can't thank God enough for his abounding grace and mercy and his indefatigable effort to finish a great work in ALL of us DESPITE ourselves.
This is not to say go out and be a hot mess and God will look upon that mess and smile and not allow consequences to come your way. BUT, He is ALWAYS ready for a repentant heart in repentant prayer who wants to live a repentant lifestyle.
Another thing. Guys, don't let others judge you for what you've done. They don't matter. God REALLY is the only one who matters. Plus, everyone has garbage that they have done, so....
We are all in the same freakin' boat.
Don't forget that.
...and don't forget to pray for forgiveness (which is ALWAYS given without reluctance from Him on high..no matter the crime) and thank God for a new day and a new dawn. :)
AND...I love this quotation!
"Always be ready to have the time of your life" (Unknown).
Isn't that awesome? God put us on this earth to do something GREAT and to have a GREAT time doing it!
So start your day with a head held high and this scripture in your heart:
Phil 1:6:
"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."
Yes and AMEN.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
What's Wrong With Me?
this morning was a nice morning for a revelation.
long story short: ex-boyfriend who never wanted to broadcast our relationship now has a new beau and he can't help but broadcast his love for her. evidence: facebook. every status is about her. there are pictures of her and him. and here's the kicker: he actually has _______ is in a relationship with ________.
now, i had to take a deep breath and analyze the sudden change in behavior.
questions that came to mind: what's wrong with me? why wasn't I enough? how come he wasn't proud to have me as his girlfriend?
revelatory moment: he has issues. he had issues months before we started dating (it was actually the first thing i noticed about him: his issues). he has issues with his family. he had issues with his past relationships. he had issues with me that i tried to love through.
all this to say: ain't nuthin wrong wit me. (GBK style) haha
this is not to say that i am perfect and that i don't have my own issues, but believe me...some people have more issues than others. and i am not judging our fellow brothers and sisters with more issues.
i'm just saying...i dodged a major bullet.
some may call me a hater. i call myself a realist (well..i force myself to be a realist because at heart, i am an idealist)
and let me put a few disclaimers out there:
a. he may have found Jesus between our break up and his new beau
b. which means the mention of Jesus doesn't annoy him, make him close down, cause him to have a fit...anymore
c. his new beau may be at a place where his issues and her issues work well together and thus, they are helping each other grow
the cynic in me...(again, i force myself to be a cynic because at heart, i am an optimist)...says: i doubt any one of these disclaimers are true.
but then again...who really knows? life has a a way of making the impossible happen. (did i say the impossible? that was mean, wasn't it? sorry.)
as uncle walt says: thank God for revelation.
:)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Vitamin C Deficient + Poor Decisions
I travel to and fro New Hampshire and Chicago every week and well...last week, I was battling the flu. Now, this week...I am battling the common cold.
Almost embarrassing if you think about it.
I've come to the conclusion that...well...I may not be taking in ALL of the vitamins that I need (especially with the airborne virus environment of the US..::whispers:: H1N1)...but I DO KNOW that it was pretty stupid of me to walk around Shipshewana, IN on Friday when it was about 40 degrees and raining all day...sans un coat. One word: FAIL.
Now, I will be walking into rehearsal with yet another ailment.
Maybe Walt's girlfriend will make me homemade chicken soup again...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Beautiful By Design
Cleaning lady is coming. So I had to clear things off my dresser and my sink.
It's cloudy. I feel semi-fat.
I go upstairs to get out of the cleaning lady's way and Uncle Wally has an episode of Oprah for me to watch.
All in all, a very BEAUTIFUL married couple survives a horrific plane accident. They hold on to dear life to come back deformed and for their kids to not really recognize them and for them to have a severely hindered lifestyle.
Yet, they are still loving. grateful. and faithful.
The wife was (and still is, but in a different way) absolutely gorgeous and now her face is a collage of skin pieces...for lack of a better description. When standing in front of a picture of her pre-accident, she was asked how she feels when she looks at that picture of her and she said, she has accepted that she was beautiful then and that she is beautiful now. And she meant it.
All the while I stand in front of the mirror criticizing my smile, my figure, my skin etc.
Shooooot. I'm beautiful, flaws and all. God has made me this way to make someone very happy and to be a blessing and to appreciate the work of art He has made in me.
I'm beautiful by design. And so are you...by a different design.
Ain't that sumthin'.
Friday, October 2, 2009
God Humbles Chicago
Of course I am a little disappointed. however, something wasn't right about the efforts. the idea of oprah and the obamas going to coopenhagen was nice, but...in the end, it seemed a little haughty and showy. i loooove me some obamas but....i thought it a bit much.
all this to say. it wasn't chicago's time. god has another plan.
time for chicago to fix itself from the inside out.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A New Light
I almost immediately headed to Dartmouth to assist my choir director in running rehearsals on monday and tuesday and..to say the least, i am happy...and i sincerely thank GOD for that since it has been a long year of being in an unusually unhappy place.
this is not to say that life will be roses from here on out, but i know i am finally headed in the right direction.
i am now back into chicago and tomorrow is my first day of really feeling like i am not at work anymore (since i am in new hampshire on mondays and tuesdays) and i vow to really get my life in order and state my goals and start working toward them.
this is what life is about. GOD's perfect timing. talent. patience. drive. and most importantly, passion.
the world is my manuscript paper.
time to write some music.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
On The Brink of A New Season
Many may ask--in this economy? Do you have another job lined up? Why?
And to those questions I say this: When God tells you to move, move. Don't waste any time.
I am an artist.
I was an artist stuck in a cubicle faking an interest in developing better ways to sell and buy industrial supplies.
I am an artist.
I was an artist that felt like her soul was being dried up as she studied the dry science of the industrial supply market.
I am an artist.
I was an artist that was unhappy.
I am an artist.
I just told my Uncle who is a musical mentor to me and is the main reason why I live in Chicago now. And he is excited. His only question was: Did you speak to God about this?
That is the smartest and most pertinent question to ask. And my simple answer is: YES.
There are things in the works: my album, a part time teaching position of music, getting myself and my band out there.
Now that I will have more time and flexibility, you should be hearing from me more often (or not, haha)
stay tuned...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
TOAL.
I go away for 2 weeks, perform to my heart's content for a great and diverse audience...only to realize that what I want to do is travel the world and spread positive music. What do I do with that dream as I sit at a cubicle for 9 hours 5 days a week?
I sigh.
I pray.
I dream.
I wait. patiently.
God has a plan that is now, slowly being revealed. Something is brewing within me...further. the same thing that brewed in me and resulted in a life changing move to Chicago. I don't know when I will be ready to go after my dream with both wings...but something tells me...soon...(but also) not too soon. I have yet to learn what it is I need to learn in the present situation that I am in. So until I yield to God's will and His instruction, I won't be going anywhere (that is, in a physical sense)...there is always the studio down the block which will let me go somewhere mentally and sometimes spiritually.
But until then, I will be paying bills and dreaming of the Spinnaker Lounge where I did my first gig ever with On The Fly and the Stardust Theater where I performed in 7 different productions. I will dream a dream that was once alive enough to whet my appetite for my REAL purpose....and will become alive again.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wedding Fever
that's it.
the time of my life.
and it wasn't even my wedding.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
"Professionalism"
Whatever...Corporate America.
Monday, February 23, 2009
L-O-V-E
From this point, it is onward and upward.
Thanks for listening.
God Bless.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
2009- Off To A Good Start
Other than that, I am working on finishing my album. I am currently working on getting my demo tracks onto my myspace page, so you can see what I have been working on. Be patient. I am also working full time and doing other random things! There is never a dull moment.