Yes and AMEN.

You know...I was having one of those mornings where I woke up thinking about all the crappy stuff I've done in my life and how I can sometimes just be a blind idiot.

But a moment of clarity hit me while I was on the toilet. (...is this not a place where clarity usually hits us anyway? haha)...I realized that no matter how bad the decisions I have made were, God STILL has a marvelous end result for me! Isn't it just amazing to know that what God has for you is for you no matter what? I sometimes feel like God had great destinies for those who were a hot mess anyway, haha. Ever get that email about all of those people in Bible who had issues but whom God used to do a mighty work? Like...let's see if I can remember off the top of my head...Noah was a drunk...Moses was a murderer, David was an adulterer and a murderer, and the Disciples were sometimes too slow to grasp concept and Jesus would get annoyed with them? haha..always makes for a good laugh. Love me some Bible historical figures. They were regular people with their own vices but God loved them...immensely and they are used as people to pattern our lives by.

All this to say. I can't thank God enough for his abounding grace and mercy and his indefatigable effort to finish a great work in ALL of us DESPITE ourselves.

This is not to say go out and be a hot mess and God will look upon that mess and smile and not allow consequences to come your way. BUT, He is ALWAYS ready for a repentant heart in repentant prayer who wants to live a repentant lifestyle.

Another thing. Guys, don't let others judge you for what you've done. They don't matter. God REALLY is the only one who matters. Plus, everyone has garbage that they have done, so....

We are all in the same freakin' boat.

Don't forget that.

...and don't forget to pray for forgiveness (which is ALWAYS given without reluctance from Him on high..no matter the crime) and thank God for a new day and a new dawn. :)

AND...I love this quotation!
"Always be ready to have the time of your life" (Unknown).

Isn't that awesome? God put us on this earth to do something GREAT and to have a GREAT time doing it!

So start your day with a head held high and this scripture in your heart:

Phil 1:6:
"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."

Yes and AMEN.

What's Wrong With Me?

nothing, actually.

this morning was a nice morning for a revelation.

long story short: ex-boyfriend who never wanted to broadcast our relationship now has a new beau and he can't help but broadcast his love for her. evidence: facebook. every status is about her. there are pictures of her and him. and here's the kicker: he actually has _______ is in a relationship with ________.

now, i had to take a deep breath and analyze the sudden change in behavior.

questions that came to mind: what's wrong with me? why wasn't I enough? how come he wasn't proud to have me as his girlfriend?
revelatory moment: he has issues. he had issues months before we started dating (it was actually the first thing i noticed about him: his issues). he has issues with his family. he had issues with his past relationships. he had issues with me that i tried to love through.

all this to say: ain't nuthin wrong wit me. (GBK style) haha

this is not to say that i am perfect and that i don't have my own issues, but believe me...some people have more issues than others. and i am not judging our fellow brothers and sisters with more issues.

i'm just saying...i dodged a major bullet.

some may call me a hater. i call myself a realist (well..i force myself to be a realist because at heart, i am an idealist)

and let me put a few disclaimers out there:
a. he may have found Jesus between our break up and his new beau
b. which means the mention of Jesus doesn't annoy him, make him close down, cause him to have a fit...anymore
c. his new beau may be at a place where his issues and her issues work well together and thus, they are helping each other grow

the cynic in me...(again, i force myself to be a cynic because at heart, i am an optimist)...says: i doubt any one of these disclaimers are true.

but then again...who really knows? life has a a way of making the impossible happen. (did i say the impossible? that was mean, wasn't it? sorry.)

as uncle walt says: thank God for revelation.

:)

Vitamin C Deficient + Poor Decisions

So....

I travel to and fro New Hampshire and Chicago every week and well...last week, I was battling the flu. Now, this week...I am battling the common cold.

Almost embarrassing if you think about it.

I've come to the conclusion that...well...I may not be taking in ALL of the vitamins that I need (especially with the airborne virus environment of the US..::whispers:: H1N1)...but I DO KNOW that it was pretty stupid of me to walk around Shipshewana, IN on Friday when it was about 40 degrees and raining all day...sans un coat. One word: FAIL.

Now, I will be walking into rehearsal with yet another ailment.

Maybe Walt's girlfriend will make me homemade chicken soup again...

Beautiful By Design

I woke up this morning in an OK mood. :)

Cleaning lady is coming. So I had to clear things off my dresser and my sink.

It's cloudy. I feel semi-fat.

I go upstairs to get out of the cleaning lady's way and Uncle Wally has an episode of Oprah for me to watch.

All in all, a very BEAUTIFUL married couple survives a horrific plane accident. They hold on to dear life to come back deformed and for their kids to not really recognize them and for them to have a severely hindered lifestyle.

Yet, they are still loving. grateful. and faithful.

The wife was (and still is, but in a different way) absolutely gorgeous and now her face is a collage of skin pieces...for lack of a better description. When standing in front of a picture of her pre-accident, she was asked how she feels when she looks at that picture of her and she said, she has accepted that she was beautiful then and that she is beautiful now. And she meant it.

All the while I stand in front of the mirror criticizing my smile, my figure, my skin etc.

Shooooot. I'm beautiful, flaws and all. God has made me this way to make someone very happy and to be a blessing and to appreciate the work of art He has made in me.

I'm beautiful by design. And so are you...by a different design.

Ain't that sumthin'.

God Humbles Chicago

2016 Olympics in Chicago? big. fat. no.

Of course I am a little disappointed. however, something wasn't right about the efforts. the idea of oprah and the obamas going to coopenhagen was nice, but...in the end, it seemed a little haughty and showy. i loooove me some obamas but....i thought it a bit much.

all this to say. it wasn't chicago's time. god has another plan.

time for chicago to fix itself from the inside out.

A New Light

Last Friday was my last day of work in the corporate world. happiness, expectancy, and peace would be a severe understatement.

I almost immediately headed to Dartmouth to assist my choir director in running rehearsals on monday and tuesday and..to say the least, i am happy...and i sincerely thank GOD for that since it has been a long year of being in an unusually unhappy place.

this is not to say that life will be roses from here on out, but i know i am finally headed in the right direction.

i am now back into chicago and tomorrow is my first day of really feeling like i am not at work anymore (since i am in new hampshire on mondays and tuesdays) and i vow to really get my life in order and state my goals and start working toward them.

this is what life is about. GOD's perfect timing. talent. patience. drive. and most importantly, passion.

the world is my manuscript paper.

time to write some music.

On The Brink of A New Season

So...after much praying and fasting and making lists and talking to the people that mean the most to me....I resigned from my well paying corporate job.

Many may ask--in this economy? Do you have another job lined up? Why?

And to those questions I say this: When God tells you to move, move. Don't waste any time.

I am an artist.
I was an artist stuck in a cubicle faking an interest in developing better ways to sell and buy industrial supplies.
I am an artist.
I was an artist that felt like her soul was being dried up as she studied the dry science of the industrial supply market.
I am an artist.
I was an artist that was unhappy.
I am an artist.

I just told my Uncle who is a musical mentor to me and is the main reason why I live in Chicago now. And he is excited. His only question was: Did you speak to God about this?

That is the smartest and most pertinent question to ask. And my simple answer is: YES.

There are things in the works: my album, a part time teaching position of music, getting myself and my band out there.

Now that I will have more time and flexibility, you should be hearing from me more often (or not, haha)

stay tuned...