I Gotta Feelin'...

That today's gonna be a GOOD DAY!

Blog readers, you have no idea what kind of a day I've had. And something tells me that this blog won't do this day justice either.

If I had one word to describe this day, it would be: God-ordained.
Okay..that is a hyphenated word (should it even be hyphenated?) whatever. you get the point.

Halloween.
I wake up and I think to myself "I have absolutely nothing planned for today...except for witnessing for my church..."
back track.
Yesterday, it dawned on me that my church usually witnesses every Saturday morning. It also dawned on me to find out for sure if they would be witnessing today. But then it also dawned on me that I didn't want to have to get up early and witness in the cold. But then it also dawned on me that I just came back from a Singles Retreat that emphasized that singles need to stop worrying about finding a spouse and worry about the affairs of the Lord first. (I Cor 7:32). And then it finally dawned on me to actually call the Pastor's daughter and find out if witnessing would take place in the morning.

brrrng. brrrrng.
PK: Hey K? How are you?
Me: Hey PK! I'm well! And you?
PK: I'm well!
Me: PK, I was just calling to see if we are still going witnessing tomorrow
PK: Good question. I think so. I will call you in the morning to confirm.
Me: Great, thanks!

Khadijah goes to sleep. Khadijah wakes up...
Back to where I started the story:
Halloween.
I wake up and I think to myself "I have absolutely nothing planned for today...except for witnessing for my church..."
Some friends ask me if I want to hang with them for the morning.
I decline...waiting for PK's call.
PK calls and says that there will be no witnessing this morning.
Thanks, PK.
We hang up.
I think to myself..."I really have nothing to do today! wow"
I call my best friends in NY and ask them about their Halloween plans so that I can live vicariously through them. (pathetic.)
I complain that I don't really have a core group of going out buddies here in the Chi. We hang up.
I talk to God and tell Him how funny it is that I have been finding myself alone a lot lately.
I also tell Him that I am fine with the lesson of learning how to be alone with Him and how to be satisfied with only Him.
I accept it. (I mean, what else could I do?)
PK calls after I make breakfast.
Hey K, wanna do a little shopping with me?
Sure! all the while thinking...I don't really need anything but shopping is always fun!
PK picks me up and...

I HAVE ONE OF THE BEST AND REVELATORY DAYS OF MY LIFE.

REVELATION: Khadijah, have you ever wondered why singing and everything revolving around your singing has been successful? Because you have no problem trusting God in that area. Hey...Khadijah, have you ever wondered why relationships and everything revolving around your relationships doesn't turn out for your good? ever? Perhaps, it's because you haven't figured out how to let go and let GOD in that arena. Now...Khadijah, you need to figure out what the problem is in that area of your life. If music and love are your two main focuses right now...why is it so easy for you to give God music and not your heart?

For some of you who know me, this may seem quite obvious to you. But for me, it knocked me down on my butt....nevermind that I was already on my butt because PK and I were at Olive Garden eating some awesome pasta...but I was blown away by that revelation.

And to think...my boring day turned out to be an 11AM-7PM long day of revelations and laughter...and guess what?

It all started with me being obedient to I Cor 7:32 and planting in PK's mind that I was available to go witnessing.

Can't NOBODY tell me that being obedient to the Holy Spirit won't get you closer to where you need to be in life. Another lesson PK taught me today...God is going to make you learn your lesson...now...do you want it to be through your obedience or your disobedience? Indeed...we all know which we'd prefer.

Today was phenomenally Awesome.

...And I've got some homework to do.

Happy Halloween...and even more, Happy Revelations!

"Always be ready to have the time of your life"
-Anonymous

Concert Time :0)

So...I, Khadijah Bermiss, had a bit of a toolish moment a few days ago.

Louisa and I were standing in the loft and we heard a friend of ours listening to his concert parts upstairs because he was practicing for our upcoming Gospel Choir concert. I then looked into my best friend eyes with tearful eyes of mine own (not.) and said "awwww...Louisa...it's concert time...::sigh::".

Believe it or not, that was a 99.9% accurate portrayal of what happened. (the .1% goes to the "tearful eyes of mine own").

Back to the reason for this blog. I realized that concert time is almost like Christmas time for me. After many nights in the studio and in rehearsal and semi-rewriting portions of songs, God is going to give us a gift which will be a wonderful concert. Unto us a child is boooorn! (Handel's Messiah reference)

This concert is going to be awesome and all the alums are coming back and we are emailing about concert attire and we are asking the Hopkins Center why they haven't posted our posters yet (another story..ugh), and all of that jazzzz. It's the most wonderful tiiime of the yearrrr.

It just makes me so giddy. There's nothing like our gospel choir concerts. It is an emotional and spiritual high that takes about a day to come down from. So...I picture this time of the fall season as the equivalent of my mom going to buy the Christmas tree, my brothers making their plans to come home, Charlie Brown's Christmas episode as well as the cartoon version of the Grinch on TV, Macy's Christmas commercials and good ole Christmas cheer in the air...

this is going to be an awesome concert. I can't say that enough.

so......

SHAMELESS PLUG!!!! If you're in or around the Dartmouth College area on November 8th, please come and see the Gospel Choir concert in Spaulding Auditorium. Showtimes: 2PM & 5PM. I guarantee you will walk out a different and more positive person. AMEN!

:-)

Khadijah:1, Devil:0

BEWARE: this post may be a bit too spiritual for some, but I began this blog so that it can be a free forum for me whether I am feeling crappy, happy, wise, contemplative, cynical, sad, supremely spiritual, or anything in between.

(...back to our scheduled programming...)

Have you ever had the sneaky suspicion that the devil is grabbing at almost anything in your life just to take you out of a good place that God has blessed you to be in?

Well, if not, you haven't lived long enough :)...I mean...I'm only 22, but I've seen some things that don't make me doubt the presence of evil forces.

Anyway, I find myself feeling super sensitive to people's comments about me whether it is about my past, my looks, my future, my cooking, or any of my other capabilities. Now, for the people who know me, you guys know that I am sensitive by nature anyway. So just picture normal Khadijah sensitivity just a tad bit heightened.

I'm writing this blog because I am thankful to be in a place where I can see what is taking place and why. God has brought me through some major things this year and I am glad to say that I am the happiest I've been in about 1.5 years. I have successfully disentangled my dreams from the snare of the corporate sector and now I have time to focus on me and my music. WHO could ask for more? Not to mention that in about 2 weeks, I will be participating in a wonderful gospel choir milestone concert at Dartmouth College which should cap off a great Fall term...then we head into the holiday season (...yes, the Holiday season for me starts after the Dartmouth Fall Concert, haha).

I digress.

The devil is scared. I'm in a good place and he wants me to question who I intrinsically am...the little things that make me, me: my quirks, my preferences, my dislikes, my talents, my personality etc. He wants me to compare myself and place higher value on those I compare myself to. Not going to happen. Not on my watch. I am moving to a higher level of Confidence, Discernment and Wisdom. So much so that I can catch him while he is in the midst of his antics and call him out over my blog loudspeaker.

DEVIL, I am not scared of you.

there! haha...that felt good to write. :)

I feel I wrote this blog more for myself than for any of my readers. This is a cathartic blog, indeed.

Some of you may be lost on this subject, but I know others know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

Stand up against the wiles of the devil.

He only messes with you because he is scared of your potential.

Take it as a compliment, write a blog about it, and move on with purpose.

Yes and AMEN.

You know...I was having one of those mornings where I woke up thinking about all the crappy stuff I've done in my life and how I can sometimes just be a blind idiot.

But a moment of clarity hit me while I was on the toilet. (...is this not a place where clarity usually hits us anyway? haha)...I realized that no matter how bad the decisions I have made were, God STILL has a marvelous end result for me! Isn't it just amazing to know that what God has for you is for you no matter what? I sometimes feel like God had great destinies for those who were a hot mess anyway, haha. Ever get that email about all of those people in Bible who had issues but whom God used to do a mighty work? Like...let's see if I can remember off the top of my head...Noah was a drunk...Moses was a murderer, David was an adulterer and a murderer, and the Disciples were sometimes too slow to grasp concept and Jesus would get annoyed with them? haha..always makes for a good laugh. Love me some Bible historical figures. They were regular people with their own vices but God loved them...immensely and they are used as people to pattern our lives by.

All this to say. I can't thank God enough for his abounding grace and mercy and his indefatigable effort to finish a great work in ALL of us DESPITE ourselves.

This is not to say go out and be a hot mess and God will look upon that mess and smile and not allow consequences to come your way. BUT, He is ALWAYS ready for a repentant heart in repentant prayer who wants to live a repentant lifestyle.

Another thing. Guys, don't let others judge you for what you've done. They don't matter. God REALLY is the only one who matters. Plus, everyone has garbage that they have done, so....

We are all in the same freakin' boat.

Don't forget that.

...and don't forget to pray for forgiveness (which is ALWAYS given without reluctance from Him on high..no matter the crime) and thank God for a new day and a new dawn. :)

AND...I love this quotation!
"Always be ready to have the time of your life" (Unknown).

Isn't that awesome? God put us on this earth to do something GREAT and to have a GREAT time doing it!

So start your day with a head held high and this scripture in your heart:

Phil 1:6:
"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."

Yes and AMEN.

What's Wrong With Me?

nothing, actually.

this morning was a nice morning for a revelation.

long story short: ex-boyfriend who never wanted to broadcast our relationship now has a new beau and he can't help but broadcast his love for her. evidence: facebook. every status is about her. there are pictures of her and him. and here's the kicker: he actually has _______ is in a relationship with ________.

now, i had to take a deep breath and analyze the sudden change in behavior.

questions that came to mind: what's wrong with me? why wasn't I enough? how come he wasn't proud to have me as his girlfriend?
revelatory moment: he has issues. he had issues months before we started dating (it was actually the first thing i noticed about him: his issues). he has issues with his family. he had issues with his past relationships. he had issues with me that i tried to love through.

all this to say: ain't nuthin wrong wit me. (GBK style) haha

this is not to say that i am perfect and that i don't have my own issues, but believe me...some people have more issues than others. and i am not judging our fellow brothers and sisters with more issues.

i'm just saying...i dodged a major bullet.

some may call me a hater. i call myself a realist (well..i force myself to be a realist because at heart, i am an idealist)

and let me put a few disclaimers out there:
a. he may have found Jesus between our break up and his new beau
b. which means the mention of Jesus doesn't annoy him, make him close down, cause him to have a fit...anymore
c. his new beau may be at a place where his issues and her issues work well together and thus, they are helping each other grow

the cynic in me...(again, i force myself to be a cynic because at heart, i am an optimist)...says: i doubt any one of these disclaimers are true.

but then again...who really knows? life has a a way of making the impossible happen. (did i say the impossible? that was mean, wasn't it? sorry.)

as uncle walt says: thank God for revelation.

:)

Vitamin C Deficient + Poor Decisions

So....

I travel to and fro New Hampshire and Chicago every week and well...last week, I was battling the flu. Now, this week...I am battling the common cold.

Almost embarrassing if you think about it.

I've come to the conclusion that...well...I may not be taking in ALL of the vitamins that I need (especially with the airborne virus environment of the US..::whispers:: H1N1)...but I DO KNOW that it was pretty stupid of me to walk around Shipshewana, IN on Friday when it was about 40 degrees and raining all day...sans un coat. One word: FAIL.

Now, I will be walking into rehearsal with yet another ailment.

Maybe Walt's girlfriend will make me homemade chicken soup again...

Beautiful By Design

I woke up this morning in an OK mood. :)

Cleaning lady is coming. So I had to clear things off my dresser and my sink.

It's cloudy. I feel semi-fat.

I go upstairs to get out of the cleaning lady's way and Uncle Wally has an episode of Oprah for me to watch.

All in all, a very BEAUTIFUL married couple survives a horrific plane accident. They hold on to dear life to come back deformed and for their kids to not really recognize them and for them to have a severely hindered lifestyle.

Yet, they are still loving. grateful. and faithful.

The wife was (and still is, but in a different way) absolutely gorgeous and now her face is a collage of skin pieces...for lack of a better description. When standing in front of a picture of her pre-accident, she was asked how she feels when she looks at that picture of her and she said, she has accepted that she was beautiful then and that she is beautiful now. And she meant it.

All the while I stand in front of the mirror criticizing my smile, my figure, my skin etc.

Shooooot. I'm beautiful, flaws and all. God has made me this way to make someone very happy and to be a blessing and to appreciate the work of art He has made in me.

I'm beautiful by design. And so are you...by a different design.

Ain't that sumthin'.

God Humbles Chicago

2016 Olympics in Chicago? big. fat. no.

Of course I am a little disappointed. however, something wasn't right about the efforts. the idea of oprah and the obamas going to coopenhagen was nice, but...in the end, it seemed a little haughty and showy. i loooove me some obamas but....i thought it a bit much.

all this to say. it wasn't chicago's time. god has another plan.

time for chicago to fix itself from the inside out.